Our daughter Karen lives in Denver, and she's the tech whiz of the family. So when I couldn't figure out how to attach a photo to an email, I called her on FaceTime. That was a Sunday at 2 o'clock.
At 3:45, we were both still on the call. She kept saying, "Mom, just tap the paperclip." I kept saying, "What paperclip?" I was holding the phone so she could see my screen, which meant she was mostly seeing my ceiling fan. By the end, she was frustrated, I was near tears, and the photo still wasn't attached.
We love each other dearly. We just needed a better way to do this. So we came up with a plan, and it has saved a lot of Sunday afternoons since.
How do I get tech help from family without a frustrating call?
The trick is to plan the help before you start. Most frustrating calls happen because nobody agreed on what the job was, and the helper can't see what you see.
Here's the plan in plain words. First, text your helper one clear task ahead of time, like "I want to attach one photo to an email." Second, pick a time when neither of you is rushing. Third, share your screen during a video call instead of pointing your phone's camera at it. Fourth, you do the tapping yourself and write the steps down as you go.
On an iPhone, FaceTime has a screen sharing button once your call starts, and many video calling apps have one too. Karen can see exactly what I see, and I'm the one pressing the buttons. When we finished, I did the whole thing once more, by myself, while she watched. That's how it sticks.
What should I close before sharing my screen?
Even with family, close anything private before you share. That means your banking app, medical portals, and personal messages. When you share your screen, the other person can see whatever pops up, including new texts and notifications.
And when the job is done, end the screen sharing on purpose. Don't just set the phone down and leave it running.
Should I give my family my passwords?
In plain words: it's a good idea to share your screen with family, let them talk while you tap, add a trusted family member as a recovery contact on your accounts, and end the sharing when you're done. Say no to handing over passwords for small jobs, strangers who call offering help, pop-ups telling you to "call us," and any app a caller tells you to install.
For everyday coaching, your helper doesn't need your passwords. If you want someone to be able to help you get back into an account you're locked out of, many accounts let you add a recovery contact instead. Apple and Google both have options like this in your account settings. And setting up a passkey can mean fewer lockouts in the first place.
How is family help different from a scam?
The difference is who reached out first. Family help is something you asked for, from someone you know. A scam is "help" that finds you, like a pop-up, a phone call, or an email saying your computer has a problem and someone needs to connect to fix it.
The FTC's guide to tech support scams explains that real tech companies don't call you out of the blue asking to take over your computer. Bob's brother-in-law learned that the hard way, and he wrote about it in our guide to fake renewal emails.
How our Sunday calls go now
These days I text Karen on Saturday with one task. On Sunday we get on FaceTime, I share my screen, and she walks me through it while I tap. I keep a little notebook labeled "Karen's Lessons" by the computer. Last week's lesson took eleven minutes, and we spent the other forty talking about her garden.
Take good care of yourself, and take even better care of each other.
Who's the tech helper in your family? Tell me in the comments, and share this with them. They'll thank you.
